Whitney Barrell Counseling
  • Home
  • About Us
    • Annie Hamilton
    • Whitney Barrell
  • Child Therapy
  • Teens
  • Couples
  • Women's Issues
  • Therapy focused on Infertility
  • Insurance & Sliding Fee Scale
  • Frequently Asked Questions
  • Contact
  • Blog
  • Resources
    • Parenting/Children's Mental Health
    • Therapists
  • REQUEST APPOINTMENT
385.355.4355

Your Adoption Coach Podcast Interview with Whitney Barrell, LCSW

2/7/2015

0 Comments

 
Welcome! Don't want to take the time and cognitive skill to read Debunking Adoption Myths? (Me neither!) Now you've got the option to put me in your ears! 

I was invited to speak with Kelly Ellison on her podcast, Your adoption Coach, to discuss the myths of adoption. 
0 Comments

Upcoming Group: Finding Peace: Infertility Support Group

1/27/2015

0 Comments

 
Picture

Join a small group of women in discussion about the impact of infertility. Open to women on any part of the fertility journey including, fertility treatment or third-party reproduction and those moving towards adoption. Led by Whitney Barrell, LCSW therapist, with both personal and clinical expertise in infertility counseling. 

  • Making difficult treatment decisions on a path to parenthood
  • Conflict with your partner
  • Processing the grief and loss of infertility
  • Maintaining relationships with friends and family who may not understand infertility
  • How to cope in a world where everyone seems to be pregnant


When: Wednesdays March 18th-April 22nd 2015 (6 week group) 8:00-9:00 pm

Where: Whitney Barrell’s Office

1308s. 1700e. #209 SLC, Utah 84108

Why: Because it feels good to be in a group of women who “get” what you are dealing with.

Investment: $120


***Feel free to call with questions about the group, or to see if it would be a good fit for you. 



0 Comments

Transracial Adoption

1/13/2015

0 Comments

 
You are in for a treat.
 Angela Tucker, a blogger, educator and speaker on white privilege, transracial adoption and race relations interviews two young adoptees about their experience with bullies, questions about their "real moms" and why why adoption is happy and sad.  
0 Comments

10 Adoption Myths Debunked

1/12/2015

0 Comments

 
Picture
A subject near and dear to my heart, and largely misunderstood. First featured on KSL, read on to have your myths debunked--or if you are an adoptive parent, read on to feel some validation about the experience you know so well. 


Adoption is mysterious to many of us; we’ve relied on Lifetime movies and anecdotes of the most rare situations in adoption to define it. As a result, there are many myths that swirl around adoption and, as always, the truth is somewhere in the middle. The information that follows is applicable to domestic and foster care adoptions, rather than international adoption.

The birth mother/father can show up at any time and take the child. 
False. Once the adoption is finalized, the child’s adoptive parents are recognized by law. Post-adoption revocation is very rare, but these cases do gain publicity, which further perpetuates the myth. According to Utah law, the birthfather can sign relinquishment papers at any time, including before the birth of the child. The birthmother may sign relinquishments 24 hours after the birth of the child. Most ethical adoptions are agreed on by birth parents who have made a very sacred decision that they feel is in the best interest of their child.

Birth parents are troubled teens and not to be trusted. 
False, false, false. On average, birth parents are in their 20s. Typically, birth parents choose adoption because they don’t have the means — financially, emotionally or otherwise — to parent the child. This factor doesn’t make a person dangerous or untrustworthy. Consider the amount of trust a birth parent gives an adoptive couple in order to choose them to raise their child.

Open adoption (where the adoptee has identifying information about their birth family, and the birth parents choose adoptive parents) is emotionally harmful to the child. 
False. Open adoption takes away the mystery. When adoptive parents are able to share information about the child’s birth parents and their history, the children understand their beginnings and they understand why a placement decision was made. According to a study completed by the Minnesota/Texas Research Project, birthmothers involved in open adoptions had lower levels of adoption-related grief and loss than compared with those involved in a closed adoption. The study points out "adopted adolescents was no different in levels of adjustment from the national norms. Level of openness by itself was not a major predictor of adjustment outcomes at Wave 2. However, relationship qualities, such as collaboration in relationships and perceived compatibility, were predictive of adjustment across openness levels."

Open adoption is like co-parenting. False. Birth and adoptive parents do not share custody. Adoption outlines distinct roles. Open adoption allows for the child to have an ongoing relationship (of some level) with birth parents. Some birth parents report having an aunt/uncle-like relationship with the child.

Same-sex parents are not capable of providing a healthy environment for a child. False. Years of research by the Donaldson Adoption Institute has proven that children parented by same-sex or heterosexual couples have the same outcomes, happy and healthy.

The racial background of most children in foster care is that of a minority. 
False. According to the most recentKids Count data, 46 percent of foster children are white, 26 percent are black, 21 percent are Hispanic and the remaining 9 percent are multiracial.

Adoption is born of loss. True. Adoption is sometimes the best-case scenario for the birth parents, who aren’t ready to parent; the adoptive parents, who have sometimes been waiting many years to parent; and the child, who is provided a safe, stable home. Despite this, adoption occurs because of a loss — a child's loss of biological parents and the loss of connection to their history. As an adoption community we don’t do anyone any favors by glossing over this fact.

Adoption is expensive. 
True and False. Adoption from foster care can cost little to nothing. Information from the Child Welfare Information Gateway cites domestic adoptions can range from $5,000 to $30,000, and international adoption can cost $15,000 to $30,000. These fees are paid to social workers, attorneys and a small amount (as determined by each state) can be used for birth parent expenses such as rent, maternity clothes, etc. Birthparents are not paid for the adoption.

Adoptive parents must be “perfect” to pass the home study. 
False. Adoptive parents must prove that they can provide financially and emotionally for the child. They are asked about their relationships with family and spouse, employment, plans for when the child arrives and understanding of adoption. Most adoptive parents pass the home study process.

Waiting to tell my child he or she was adopted until they can understand is better for them. 
False. History has been a guide for us in this domain. Historically, adoptions were closed. Because of this, it was easier (and expected) for adoptive parents not share information about their child's origins at all — or if so, later in life. Due to the research on open adoption, we now know that children who are provided information about their birth family early on fare better in the long run emotionally.

Same-sex parents are not capable of providing a healthy environment for a child. False. Years of research by the Donaldson Adoption Institute has proven that children parented by same-sex or heterosexual couples have the same outcomes, happy and healthy.

If I don’t talk to my child about their racial identity (if it's different from my own) then it won’t be an issue.
False. Children adopted transracially need special attention in order to achieve positive formation of their racial identity. Again, the Donaldson Adoption Institute has found “positive racial/ethnic identity development is most effectively facilitated by 'lived' experiences such as travel to native country, attending racially diverse schools, and having role models of their own race/ethnicity.”

Adoption has always been a way to build families, although in the past two decades, our understanding of best practices for all members of the triad has increased. As this understanding shifts, so does public misunderstanding. Adoption stories and experiences are as diverse as they come, because an adoption experience is a human experience. 


0 Comments

Discussing your child's adoption story, throughout developmental stages. 

7/14/2014

0 Comments

 
  • As adoptive parents, we often imagine the discussion about our child’s beginnings. We wonder how we will successfully tell him about his/her history in a way that conveys love and truth. Talking with your child about adoption can begin as early as possible, if this means shortly after birth, or her transition to your home. A child’s history is her own, our job is to provide her all the information we have in a developmentally appropriate way.

    There are many factors to consider when discussing adoption with your child, if you don’t know much about his birth parents or circumstances of early life, if rape or incest plays a role, if adopted internationally and cultural beliefs and attitudes impact the decision to place a child for adoption. This is difficult territory to navigate, your tone can often convey as much as your words. Parents often worry when they have very little information about a child’s early beginnings. You can share this with your child as he ages by saying “I wonder if it ever makes you mad/sad that we don’t know more about your birth parents.” Regardless of your child’s feelings about her adoption, you can be supportive, and validating as she makes sense of her story.

    Perhaps one of the most important factors to keep in mind when discussing adoption is your child’s current developmental stage. Your discussions about adoption will evolve throughout her life. Your child will focus on different aspects of adoption depending upon his age. We will begin by exploring these discussions with preschoolers and early elementary.

    Preschoolers: Consider this time period as laying the foundation for future adoption discussions. All children love to hear the story about how their family was formed. Convey that you are comfortable talking about adoption and that it is a topic always available for discussion. If you aren’t comfortable talking about adoption, attempt to work through some of this with family members or a therapist. Your attitude and comfort with the topic will subtly impact how your child receives the information. At this age, a child may recite back his adoption story, but it’s little more than repeating information he's heard, the understanding will come later. There are many adoption related children’s books that can serve as a good way to introduce the concept of adoption.

    Begin with differentiating that your child grew in her birth mother’s tummy. You may say “Daddy and I wanted a baby very much, but we couldn’t make a baby. You grew in your birth mother’s tummy and we adopted you.” Be sure to include that she was born the same way all children are born. We often say things like “We couldn’t have a baby, so we contacted an adoption agency to adopt a child,” by leaving out the part where your child is born may complicate what adoption actually means. If your child was adopted after birth you might say, “You lived with your birth parents until you were 2, they were having trouble taking care of you, because babies need love, attention, food and a safe place to live. So, you came to live with us and we adopted you.” Provide an overview of the story with the understanding that you will fill in the details as the child’s comprehension grows. Follow her lead, you may find that her questions are very basic and literal, this is due to the way she grasps the world at this point.

    Early Elementary Years (5-9): At this stage, your child may begin to be more curious about the specifics of his adoption. He may ask “What did my birth mom look like?” “Why didn’t I stay with that family?” He has heard the story about what led to his adoption, but now he is starting to grasp the concept of “why?” Providing concrete details to your child will help to make this abstract concept and idea of “birth parents” become more real. If you have pictures, show them to your child. If you know anything about birth parents' hobbies or interests, share this with your child. If you know very little about birthparents or the circumstances surrounding the adoption, attempt to explain to your child the cultural and economic circumstances of the country she was born (if it’s an international adoption.) Your child will begin to understand this, but really it’s a building block for later cognitive development.

    Most importantly, acknowledge and empathize with your child. Statements such as “I would have these questions, too, if I were you. We will talk about it as much as you want.” Or, “It’s OK to think about and miss your birth mom.” Encouraging your child to work through these questions is healthy. The questions at this age show that he is beginning to do some reflecting on his life experience with adoption — this is just what you want. If your child isn’t asking these questions, try an opener such as “I was thinking about your birth parents today” and see where it goes.

    You know your child best. Trust your instincts when it comes to these conversations. Your love and acceptance for your child will come through. The day to day interactions you have with your child will communicate that he is “wanted.” As adoptive parents, we may worry that children will feel eternally defective or abandoned. Addressing this through conversations with our child about her adoption history is one way to address this. But, keep in mind, you are already doing this every day through your actions, unconditional love and support for her.

0 Comments

    Archives

    February 2019
    May 2016
    January 2016
    October 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014

    Categories

    All
    Adoption
    Child Mental Health
    Coping Skills
    Infertility
    Parenting
    Play Therapy

    RSS Feed

Proudly powered by Weebly
Photos used under Creative Commons from trydberg, KellarW, H o l l y., x1klima, lucas campos, symphony of love, Feed My Starving Children (FMSC), Drew Selby, r.nial.bradshaw, tania_huiny, CintheaFox, Libertas Academica, Cedpics, toddwendy, Rody09, frankieleon, dno1967b, Leo Hidalgo (@yompyz), Japanexperterna.se, kozumel, _Sredni_Vashtar_