Understanding Relational Trauma: When the People We Trust Hurt Us

Trauma doesn’t always stem from a single, life-threatening event such as a bad car
accident. Sometimes, it comes from the relationships that were meant to offer us safety, trust, and care. This kind of trauma is called relational or relationship trauma, and it can shape and change our perspectives on ourselves, others and the world around us.
Sometimes what used to feel enjoyable before such as making friendships, attending
social gatherings, dating, going out to dinner with a loved one, having deep
conversations with a partner, shift to feeling unsafe and not as enjoyable. Sometimes
we can feel this way for a long time and not even notice the effects of the previous
relationship trauma in our life as we have learned and somewhat adapted to live with its impact. If you've ever felt deeply hurt, unseen, or emotionally unsafe in a close relationship, whether with a caregiver, partner, or loved one, you may be carrying the effects of relational trauma.

What Exactly Is Relational Trauma?
Relational trauma is the result of repeated or chronic harm in important relationships,
especially when those bonds involve attachment, emotional vulnerability, or
dependence. This may occur in:
 Childhood (neglect, emotional abuse, inconsistent caregiving)
 Romantic relationships (betrayal, manipulation, gaslighting)
 Family dynamics (enmeshment, chronic criticism, conditional love)
What makes relational trauma especially painful is that the infliction comes from
someone you were meant to trust, who you might have deeply loved, vs. coming from a complete stranger.

Signs You May Be Experiencing Relational Trauma
Relational trauma often leaves lasting emotional damage that show up in subtle or
confusing ways, such as:
 Difficulty trusting others or letting people get close.
 Fear of abandonment or being “too much”.
 Patterns of people-pleasing or emotional suppression.
 Feeling unsafe in relationships or in general, even when nothing is wrong.
 Feeling overly anxious about the relationship or in life in general.
 Attracting or staying in emotionally unavailable or harmful partnerships.
 Chronic shame, self-doubt, or the sense that you’re unlovable.

These patterns have developed within your brain’s neural pathways as a way to adapt to the traumatic experience and to “protect” you moving forward. In a safe therapeutic space, we can work together to rewire these pathways to support more helpful and realistic patterns, making it possible to form healthy relationships and learn techniques to calm the nervous system. Whether you’re struggling in your current relationships, recovering from a difficult past, or unsure why you feel disconnected, healing is possible.

You Deserve Safe, Supportive Relationships
If you’re carrying the weight of relational trauma, know that you are not broken, crazy or at fault and you don’t have to navigate this alone. Therapy can offer the tools, insight, and space to begin deep healing and to reconnect with the parts of yourself that feel lost or taken from you.
You are worthy of relationships where you feel seen, supported, and valued.